Why Adoption? Why China?
As I begin this journey, many people have asked me "Why do you want to adopt?" "Don't you want to have a baby of your own?" My first response is never spoken out loud, but always the first thing that enters my mind and goes something like this..."My own? You moron, what are adopted kids if they are not your own?" Now, I know they only mean having a biological child, but really! More on this topic later...
Let me tell you why I want to adopt...
First and foremost, I know I want to be a mother. It is something that I have always dreamed of and waited for. I can't imagine living my life and not being a mother. I love kids and always have. I am comfortable with kids and kids are comfortable with me. Growing up I took care of children, whether it be my siblings, working at a well known Lutheran summer camp, a homeless/transitional housing daycare, VBS, babysitting, summer nanny jobs, you name it. I enjoy spending time with my friends children and my nephew, I guess I'm just a kid person.
I am ready to be a Mom.
I am also 30 something and have never been married, not that I don't want to, but Mr. right has not made his presence known...not yet anyway. I do hope to get married someday, but as my business law professor once said "HOPE is not a strategy". So, my strategy was this. If I wasn't married by the time I was 35, I would start seriously considering other alternatives to having a baby. Great strategy, but funny how life takes a turn when you least expect it.
The idea of adoption first came about while watching an episode of the Oprah show in November of 2004. The topic of her show that particular day was China adoption. I remember thinking, hmmmm, this might be an option for me someday (I was 30). Fast forward to September 2005, a friend from church, Sandy, asks my Mom to write her a letter of reference for her adoption. I remember my Mom telling me this. The idea of adoption became very tangible for me at that point. Sandy was single, she was 30 something, hadn't found the "right" guy to marry, was ready to have a baby and sick of waiting to find the "one"...hmmm, sounds familier right? This got my wheels turning, if Sandy could do this as a single women living in Cd'A, then I could too. So, I spent the next few months following the end of her adoption journey and began researching international adoption.
Another question I am asked is "Why China?"
After much research, China became my country of choice for many reasons.
First, children from China are often abandoned after birth due to their sex. China has a long established one-child per family policy and culturally, boys are preferred because they will stay and take care of the family. Girls will get married and leave. It is such a complex subject; I cannot even begin to explain and it's really hard to try and simplify it in one sentence. However, if the idea of abandoning a child because she is a GIRL doesn't tug at the ol' heart strings, I don't know what will.
Second, birthmothers are hoping that they are able to keep their child and will take good care of themselves while pregnant; this means that babies from China are generally healthier. Also, because the children are abandoned and parental rights terminated, birthmother tracing is difficult. When I first began researching international vs. domestic adoption I had a great fear of the birthmother changing her mind and not going through with the adoption. I'm not sure that I would be able to handle this type of a situation. It would be too devastating on my part.
Third, consistency in the process and cost of adoption; China has a well known established international adoption process. I will know costs in advance, what to expect, what needs to be done, what will happen next, etc.Another reason is travel. Traveling to adopt from China is a one time trip. Many other countries require an adoptive parent to travel more than one time, something that I am not sure that I would be able to do (work) as well as the additional expenses involved. I do hope to travel to China more than once, but I would prefer to share the journey with my daughter, introducing her to her birth country and its culture.
Another reason I am choosing China is because of the country and my personal connections to it. I feel that as an adoptive parent of a baby from another culture it is my duty to teach her as much and to the best of my ability about her birth country and her cultural roots. My Mom has visited China and I have a step-cousin who currently lives in China who works as a doctor. I have friends who are Chinese and I am now getting to know other families who have adopted children from China as well. These connections are additional resources for me that I would not have access to if I chose to adopt from another country.
Lastly, and the most important reason is...
Someone asked me the other day, "If you were to get married and become pregnant, would you still adopt?" I sure would! PLUS, if I have a future husband he better be on board with adopting or he won't be my husband. Period. End of story. There is NO way I am not going to adopt a child.
Adoption has entered my heart and it's not leaving.
Let me tell you why I want to adopt...
First and foremost, I know I want to be a mother. It is something that I have always dreamed of and waited for. I can't imagine living my life and not being a mother. I love kids and always have. I am comfortable with kids and kids are comfortable with me. Growing up I took care of children, whether it be my siblings, working at a well known Lutheran summer camp, a homeless/transitional housing daycare, VBS, babysitting, summer nanny jobs, you name it. I enjoy spending time with my friends children and my nephew, I guess I'm just a kid person.
I am ready to be a Mom.
I am also 30 something and have never been married, not that I don't want to, but Mr. right has not made his presence known...not yet anyway. I do hope to get married someday, but as my business law professor once said "HOPE is not a strategy". So, my strategy was this. If I wasn't married by the time I was 35, I would start seriously considering other alternatives to having a baby. Great strategy, but funny how life takes a turn when you least expect it.
The idea of adoption first came about while watching an episode of the Oprah show in November of 2004. The topic of her show that particular day was China adoption. I remember thinking, hmmmm, this might be an option for me someday (I was 30). Fast forward to September 2005, a friend from church, Sandy, asks my Mom to write her a letter of reference for her adoption. I remember my Mom telling me this. The idea of adoption became very tangible for me at that point. Sandy was single, she was 30 something, hadn't found the "right" guy to marry, was ready to have a baby and sick of waiting to find the "one"...hmmm, sounds familier right? This got my wheels turning, if Sandy could do this as a single women living in Cd'A, then I could too. So, I spent the next few months following the end of her adoption journey and began researching international adoption.
Another question I am asked is "Why China?"
After much research, China became my country of choice for many reasons.
First, children from China are often abandoned after birth due to their sex. China has a long established one-child per family policy and culturally, boys are preferred because they will stay and take care of the family. Girls will get married and leave. It is such a complex subject; I cannot even begin to explain and it's really hard to try and simplify it in one sentence. However, if the idea of abandoning a child because she is a GIRL doesn't tug at the ol' heart strings, I don't know what will.
Second, birthmothers are hoping that they are able to keep their child and will take good care of themselves while pregnant; this means that babies from China are generally healthier. Also, because the children are abandoned and parental rights terminated, birthmother tracing is difficult. When I first began researching international vs. domestic adoption I had a great fear of the birthmother changing her mind and not going through with the adoption. I'm not sure that I would be able to handle this type of a situation. It would be too devastating on my part.
Third, consistency in the process and cost of adoption; China has a well known established international adoption process. I will know costs in advance, what to expect, what needs to be done, what will happen next, etc.Another reason is travel. Traveling to adopt from China is a one time trip. Many other countries require an adoptive parent to travel more than one time, something that I am not sure that I would be able to do (work) as well as the additional expenses involved. I do hope to travel to China more than once, but I would prefer to share the journey with my daughter, introducing her to her birth country and its culture.
Another reason I am choosing China is because of the country and my personal connections to it. I feel that as an adoptive parent of a baby from another culture it is my duty to teach her as much and to the best of my ability about her birth country and her cultural roots. My Mom has visited China and I have a step-cousin who currently lives in China who works as a doctor. I have friends who are Chinese and I am now getting to know other families who have adopted children from China as well. These connections are additional resources for me that I would not have access to if I chose to adopt from another country.
Lastly, and the most important reason is...
Someone asked me the other day, "If you were to get married and become pregnant, would you still adopt?" I sure would! PLUS, if I have a future husband he better be on board with adopting or he won't be my husband. Period. End of story. There is NO way I am not going to adopt a child.
Adoption has entered my heart and it's not leaving.
posted by Sara at 6/22/2006
6 Comments:
LOVE your blog, Sara! I'm learning more about you and am quite impressed with your page. It looks great!
Thanks for sharing this with me!
-Christa
SJ,
Behind you 100% kiddo. Go get my granddaughter!!
Love ya
Pops
what a beautiful woman you are Sara.
Thank you for sharing with us Sara. I too love children and am so invested in your story and am so happy for you. I didn't really start to cry until I got to your reason for choosing China --- because that's where your daughter is. That's so lovely.
-Gail
Hey girl... just browsing some of your old posts to get more of your personality for the "blog-over" and I just had to write and tell you I love love love this post :)
I just found your blog (through Waiting for Abby) and I really enjoyed reading this post. I too am a single mom. I adopted Ava from China in March '07. I had the same "if I'm not married by 35" plan. I knew no matter what, I wanted to be a mom and I am SO glad that I moved forward. Ava is the light of my life and have enjoyed every minute with her. Best of luck!
Michele
http://www.mybabyava.blogspot.com
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